i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
