I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
