i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
