Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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