you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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