a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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