It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize