Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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