is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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