So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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