Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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