that's an acceptable place to lick
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
