Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
