My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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