Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
