I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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