Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
