I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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