i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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