Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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