Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
