During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
birth control should be required to get into college
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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