I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize