I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
