My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
