I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
