don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
bring money and cleavage
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
