i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
