Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk is not a location!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
