I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
