He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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