She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
