he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
