I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
