Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
