what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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