If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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