You made me cry and you don't even care
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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