You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
