pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
