In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
