Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
