Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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