it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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