brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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