So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
