After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
