Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
