I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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