Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
