I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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