Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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