you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
