worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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