You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
