I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
