so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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