Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
