Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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