is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
