Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
