those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This toilet bowl is my home.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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