Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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