Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
