butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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