The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
