Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
