Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
