can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
