yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
