would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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