At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
