ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You're my little dorito
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
