Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
