it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize