dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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