its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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