i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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