Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
