I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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