Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
