I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
