i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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