Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
