do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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