Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
