it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
