I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
