You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
