the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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