I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
