Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
