in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
