I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
