The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
