As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize