You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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