Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
