More tranny stories later!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
