I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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