In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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